My Shooting Stars

yeah, i know, weird that i'm on this journal but yeah. Say someone is getting a 96.11, but then they get a 77 on a quiz. Quiz grades are weighted 75 percent of the final grade, and homework is 25 (or something like that). If I have gotten four more 100s on homework, a 98 on a quiz and a another 98 on a project(which is the same as a quiz grade) can the still get an A for the final grade? Cause I REALLY want my fricken A dammit.

It's dreamingblossom

It's friends only this time, so if anybody wants access to it reply with a good reason why I should friend you.

Caitlin, would you like to get together today after I get out of PYWE? I'm hoping you read this, because I can't call you this early in the morning. Even if you can't, no matter what can you call and leave a message so whether or not it's possible?

~Nathan

mylovesong, if you still read it. it will have to do for now, until I call.

I've now decided that last night was one of the worst mistakes I've made in life, and going to try to win back her heart. She'll obviously be angry with me, and she should be. I don't know if I can get any lower. But I'll die if I don't try and get her back.

I thought I didn't love her anymore, but I was wrong. A while after I left, it hit me across the face.

This is what I was most afraid of. If I made a mistake. And I did. What more can I say?

Caitlin, if you read this at all, which I doubt, I'm so sorry. I would do anything to bring us back together again. I understand if it doesn't work out. It was a mistake, and if it comes to damage me, then I'll just have to live with it.

Ha ha ha ha






























HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!



























I'm such a loser!^_^

Oh fuck.


Please dear god no.


Did tonight really happen?


Someone, please tell me this is a dream.


Please.


Oh my god.


I want to call someobody. Anybody. But I am so low I can't even do that.


Did I really do it?


What do I do?


Why do I have to be this way?

I don't know what I do next. Living my life is a good start, I guess.


I'm sorry.

This isn't going in a good direction, that it is not.

I think Caitlin and I might have problems again. Why? Because no matter what decision I make, with her or without her, I feel uneasy.

What if I lose the best thing that's ever happened to me? And never feel such love again... It's frightning.

What could Caitlin be going through right now?

I've been busy doing this and that, I can't even feel the love I have for her.

Is at the wrong of me. I never meant for this to happen.

The stairs at the far left when you you go up to the cafeteria are now claimed as mine. That's right. Those are definetely Nate's Stairs. Even had a sign saying so. Of course, nobody walks on those stairs anyways, but...just thought that everybody who goes to Windham High School should know.

I'm done practicing for a while. I'll eat dinner and go back to something productive. Maybe finish Shuyin and Lenne? I probably won't get it done tonight, but I could at least get some progress done.

I've been talking to a lot more people this year. And people who usually don't bother talking to me are now doing so. I'm glad that some people are taking time to make new friends. It's kind of what I've been doing. It makes school a lot more fun too. ^_^;;

I am completely content with my life right now.

I can't wait for Joseph practice.

~ Nathan

I have been enjoying life so much lately. First off, we get to sing Phantom Of The Opera in chorus.

PYWE sent me emails with scheduals attatched, but unfortunatly I can't see them, because my computer doesn't have anything that read MS word documents. Kind of sad really.

Although, I think I'm starting to slack in school already. I don't mean to....maybe it's just the art homework. I at first wanted to work many hard long hours on my work, but now I just want to get it done, no matter what it comes out to be. I'm not putting the effort into it tha tI should be.

I'll fix that. ^_^

English is so fun. So isn't Chemistry. All of my classes are so great.

Oh yeah, Lacey got first flute part this year for band class. I'm happy for her, she's been trying so hard. She deserves to be in it.

Well, I'm off to practice flute, and redo my art homework.

You know, I can tell the my life just went through a big change. My interests, hobbies.....it's not that I've changed what I'm in to. I just have been working harder on them than I have ever worked before. I realy want people to recognize me.

~ Nathan

The Corpse Bride looks so good. I've decided that I do in fact like all of Tim Burtons work. I have Tirza to thank for that I think, with The Nightmare Before Chirtmas. That movie is really good, and really creative. I love it.

I was just practicing flute. And with songs that I usually have a lot of trouble with, I play right through like crazy. I just when I really concentrate I can play really well. It's crazy.

Anyways, more about my day. After I stayed after school for drama, I learned that the late bus doesn't start up until next Monday. So I hung around with everybody for a while longer. At first I was almost upset, but then it turned out that it was a lot more fun to stay for a while longer. Tirza and her mom ended it up bringing me home. Fortunately. ^_^

I got a few compliments on my drawings today. Made me feel happy, because I thought that the pictures I was working on were really terrible.

I am not so good with paints though, I learned that the hard way. Of course the teacher complimented the colors I used for part of the eyes. I was supposed to paint my face, but it doesn't look like me at all. Of course, there's only one person that painted something that looked at least halfway like themself. Everybody else looked like some kind of creatures. I would say that I'm satisfied with myself compare to others, but I'm not everybody else.

And this is why I took painting. To sharpen my skills with paints so I could have another talent. Plus, it wil definetely help in college to know a thing or two.

School's been very fun, but I've started off so unorganized. I forgot my Alegbra 2 book at home, which is not like me at all. I just need to get organized, and then I won't feel the uneasiness that I have.

I'll start drawging Shuyin and Lenne tonight, I do believe. While watching some anime, maybe? We'll see....

I saw someone today who I thought was Lori. It was crazy. They look so much alike. But the girl gave me a mean look. I almost found it amusing.

These are some things that I wouldn't mind doing right about now:

- Window shop in the old port in the rain.

- Play my flute at a cafe of some sort.

- Attend a class at an art callege.

- Actually go to a cafe just to chat with friends. By chat I don't mean like teenagers. I mean a mature conversation.

- Skate on city streets, like in Boston.

- Maybe a little rebelious of me, but I would love to graffitti on a brick wall. With lots of bright colors. Either that or take paint with an old pair of shoes and walk all over the streets.

- Go out to eat at a nice restaurant.

- Dance to musical performers by the ocean.

That's it. I kind of want to go to the old port, or any place like that.

~ Nathan

Today was so fun, joining Drama Club was a great idea, and I can't wait for our next meeting. Unfortunately, PYWE starts next Wednesday, so I can't participate in going to see Fiddler On The Roff. v.v;;

But, Maggie and I both are in Joseph, in which the club is apparently also going to see. So everybody get's to see us sing and dance. ^_^

Hanging out by Mike's car was pretty fun too. And just hanging out with everybody after school in general. I really don't see my friends out of school, so all these clubs just gives me another chance to see them, while doing things I like to do of course. It was too bad that Lacey couldn't stay after, but she will be joining. ^_^ That's good to hear.

Me and Tirza were pretty clever today, dressed in all black. It felt so odd not wearing anything but one shade, and everybody (especially Harmony) was obssessed with my Willy Wonka goggles. Everybody wants me to wear the coat, but I don't think I'll do it just yet. I will probably wait for it to be a little cooler, because let's face it: When you're in a coat of any sort in school at this time of year, it gets hot.

Well, supper time. I'll write more later.

~ Nathan

Drama Club starts tomorrow. I can't wait. It's been a while since I've done an extra-curricular activity like this. It'll keep me busy and off the TV...which I haven't been watching too often lately.

Flute and piano lessons start up again soon also. I can't wait, even though I should probably practice a little more of piano. I've been slacking with it, and I really want to get better and play pretty music like Shuyin.

I've been writing this song for flute. It's kind of worth my time. It's no allstate peice, but it sounds pretty.

I love music. ^_^

What else?...........

I wish my parents didn't go to bed so early. I would practice some more. I guess I'll draw some. My trial version of Paintshop Pro expired, so now I have no pretty effects, just colored pencils. ^_^ Which I believe with some work I could make just as pretty. There was this one of an angel that I did though, and Paintshop Pro really helped with the wing and the tail. I'm too lazy to find an illegal immitation of it though.

Well, I'm off to listen to some music, and perhaps talk to Caitlin tonight.

I love you Caitlin.

~ Nathan

....I need Hello Dolly to come back....

School was fun, but as fun as it should have been. Everybody seemed kind of tired today. Except for a few people. Harmony is my hero. I can already tell that the her, Tirza, and I are going to have the best year ever in Chemestry. Today's chemistry was so amusing. I got to make a seen and pretend I had some chemical in my eye. I think I did pretty good job with it, but I liked the first time when I actually fell down. The weird thing about it was that I didn't purposely fall down. I tripped over myself. I guess I'm not so graceful, no?

But yes, Harmony was hilarious today. I think I laughed every five seconds.

And Tirza and I had a dandy little time in Advanced Drawing. I was really energetic. I think I like being energetic even when I don't feel it. It makes the day a good one. Even if the teacher starts to think I'm trouble. I'm not going to be as bad as I was last year. At some point in Biology I knew that Mr. Hanaburgh thought I didn't like him. But he is one of my favorite teachers. So this year I'm going to stop myself if I get a little out of line.

....Unless Harmony starts it. ^_^;;;;

But I won't deal with that just yet.

So I am probably going to wear all black tomorrow. I saw my pink and brown outfit today and just grabbed it. I love brown and pink so much...

So I'll just wear black tomorrow.

Go Go Emo Rangers was pretty good until I watched the trailer for the second time. It's really pointless...

I am in so much love with RENT right now. Another Day makes me smile, even though I'm not so sure it's a happy song. It's really pretty.

I'm not sure that I did my Advanced Drawing homework right. I'll just ask tomorrow. I hope I did, because I finished it all, and it's due next Wednesday or something like that.

I wish I had Saturday morning off. I really want to attend another MECA class like a few years ago. It was really fun, and it sort of gave me something to do on my own. I don't know...I guess it gave me a little character? And something interesting to do in life.

Maybe next year.

Well, Flute calls.

~ Nathan

If I think hard about how I good I was when I first started practicing the Flute peice for Allstate, I notice that I've gotten so, so much better at just flute in general. I've been practicing really hard, since I start Portland Youth Wind Ensemble soon. It's going to be a lot of fun, and I'll be around all these people who plays as good, if not better than me. Mother says she can't wait to see my determination after realizing how much I need to be working at it...and actually, neither can I. If I want to be one of the most skilled floutists in the world, I'm going to have to see what I'm up against. I'm sure for the first week or two I'll probably start playing all day and night just to catch up with the other musicians. I can't wait.

I just hope I have the time that I need to do everything I'm signed up for. All the practicing, practices, school, clubs.... It's so exciting!

I think I might want to apply for Juliard (sp?) if I can. Unless I do in fact travel into the graphic arts instead of music. Then I have no idea. But I heard Juliard was extremely hard to get into. And that's exactly the kind of place that I have my heart set on. And it's practically on top of Broadway.

I don't know, now that I only have three years of highschool left, I have been thinking about what schools I want to go to , what I mainly want to do, and things like that. It's crazy that fifteen years went by so fast. And it's sad that I can't remember everything that I've done during all this time. I don't remember half the good times that I know I spent with Tirza and Lacey in fifth grade. Atleast I remember the main things that i needed to remember.

I wonder what is going to happen this year. I think anything's possible this. It could turn out like every other year. Then again, it could be a big year that changes everything about me. I can't wait to see what happens.

I've also started thinking about what I do, and the talents I have. Every since Caitlin said she looked up to me, and that not a lot of people have the determination that I have,( or at least that's what I got out of what she said and remember) I've thought about it. Until now I think I've been totally oblivious to how determined I am in life. I push myself with everything I do.

But to me I have to use more effort still. My parents aren't wanting me to waist my talents. I too think that it would be a shame if I didn't work hard enough and failed at life.

Oh well, failures not an option. Not if I'm going to live the future the way I want to.

Now I feel like practicing my flute. Write something later, maybe.

I love you Caitlin.

~ Nathan

No thanks to me. Oops.

Anyways, Gave my journal a makover. It's a lot darker than usual. I kinda like it. It brings out my evil mysterious side that I no longer have.^_^;;;

School tomorrow. I'm fighting between wearing pink or my trenchcoat.

Tirza and Lacey, we should definetely all wear our trenchcoats, and all black for that matter. I remember wearing them on the first day of school and then everybody else went and got one. We were definetely copied.

But yes we should.

For now I'm probably just going to wear mine tomorrow, just to tell people that I'm still the same Nate they all know.

Unless it's really warm tomorrow.....

I love you Caitlin.

~ Nathan